i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
