There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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