You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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