ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
