I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
