if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
