STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
