Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
