OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize