So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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