He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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