I want to walk on stilts...naked
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
May the power of my ass compel you!!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
