Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
