just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
