quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
