Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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