we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
