So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize