How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
