So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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