Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
