They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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