I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
