we have officially lost it.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
