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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
