I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
