Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
