some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I wear drunk well.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
