there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
