Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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