This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
