Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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