I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
