The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
