Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
