Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
