Betty ford says i'm here all night
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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