Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i drank out of a bidet.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
