I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize