I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize