you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think I won the penis lottery.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
