Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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