"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Randomize
