you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
