i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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