need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
