She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
