Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Randomize
