oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
