Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
