i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
