The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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