I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
