That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
