we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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