You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize