At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
