Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I came so hard my ears popped.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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