If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
