Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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