I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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