The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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