Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
