He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
