Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
