Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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