we have officially lost it.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
