i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
